The Angry Woman
Content warning: Anger, gender stereotypes
Recall the last time that you felt angry. What was the reaction of the people around you? Were you asked to ‘calm down’ or ‘chill’?
Personally, I have lost count of the number of times someone’s asked me to “chill” or “not take things so seriously” whenever I have expressed anger or even irritation. To this, psychologist Susan Bernstein writes how the words “calm down” rarely helps. Rather, it acts as an emotional trigger, and adds more fuel to the fire instead of actually calming the person down. [1]
Now, riddle me this — As a result, did you feel the need to suppress your anger? Did you feel like you could express yourself effectively? Or did you feel ashamed and guilty?
The answers to these questions are likely to differ depending on your gender. That’s what a study conducted at the University of California revealed.
At the beginning of this century, researchers at University of California conducted a study to understand the differences between how men and women express anger. [2] They found that men felt less effective when forced to hold their anger in, whereas women did not feel similarly. In fact, it was found that women felt ashamed and guilty for feeling angry and as a result, tried to control it, hide it or apologize for it.
But why? What’s going on inside our brains when we get angry? How does our gender make a difference?
Let’s go one question at a time.
Why do we get angry?
Anger is generally considered as a response to a threat (either to oneself or someone else) and is often triggered by frustration. [3] For example, when someone asked you to “calm down” or “chill” your brain possibly perceived it as condescending or as a threat to your freedom to express/experience your anger.
This in turn triggers the body’s fight, freeze or flight response, causing the adrenal gland to fill the body with stress hormones. [4] So when an individual gets angry, the parts of their brain responsible for making decisions and moderating social behaviour [5] are overwhelmed and they may experience a sense of loss of control. [6] As a result, they may react with feelings and actions that are ill-advised or sometimes even harmful to others around them.
To put this in action, let’s say you lost control and punched the person (who asked you to “calm down”) right in the nose — this would count as one of those actions that are ill-advised and harmful to others.
However, this does not mean that the way one’s brain functions during anger is the same every time they experience anger. It not only differs from individual to individual, but can differ from experience to experience within the same individual, like a unique fingerprint. [7]
That means if the same person had said “calm down” in a different situation, instead of punching the person in the nose, you may have stormed off from the scene or simply heaved a heavy sigh and let it go. You still experienced the same emotion, but differently.
This is because an individual’s feelings are a consequence of their brain preparing the individual to act, based on their past experiences. [8]
Past experiences include one’s lifetime of experiences, what they read in books, what they watch on television and social media, what they see around them, etc. which then become the seeds of memory in their brain. [8] Thereafter the brain prepares a “script” to guide how the individual acts in anticipation of feeling angry.
Going back to the example, perhaps, you heaved a heavy sigh and let it go because based on your past experiences, confronting others in such situations may not have worked in your favour.
Therefore, if the way we experience anger depends on our past experiences, then can these “past experiences” provide answers to our earlier question:
How does our gender make a difference in the way we experience anger?
While brain biology tells us that there are differences between a woman’s brain and a man’s, they alone do not explain these differences. There is compelling evidence that tells us that the society and the gendered social/cultural rules we grow up in play a big part. [9]
What’s the effect of Culture and Society on Anger?
Our culture has a tendency to accept anger as a reasonable response from men but not from women. [10] In one of the studies conducted by gender-equity researchers at Harvard Kennedy school, it was found that women suffer negative consequences for displaying anger at the workplace whereas men are rewarded with benefits like higher status or higher salaries, for the same emotional displays. [11]
Further, this study explained that a woman’s anger was attributed to her personality, resulting in negative backlash at the workplace. However, when a man got angry, it was attributed to external factors and thereby mitigating the negative effects of displaying anger.
Why does this happen?
Earlier, we saw how the brain bases its “script” for feeling angry on past experiences which includes media consumption and societal changes. This means that our brains get their instructions from the culture that they develop in [12] and these “instructions” include strongly gendered social rules. Therefore, what the brain finds rewarding by following these “instructions” reflects the dominant values of the culture. [13]
In reality, this plays out in many ways. For example, if an infant boy grows up watching the older men around him (or even movies where the male actors) use violence as a means to express their anger and dominance then the infant’s brain wires itself according to this. [8] Similarly, if a young woman grows up watching her mother, sister or other females she looks up to (like women actors), suppress their anger, scream or control their words, then the young woman’s brain also wires itself accordingly.
Traditional childhood gender socialization tends to encourage boys to wield power with their bodies, words and space and this is associated with expressing anger and aggression. [14] The same gender socialization causes adults to dismiss anger and frustration in young women by terming it as “the raging hormonal stage”. [14]
This is highly problematic for two main reasons: a) dismissing their anger by terming it as “hormonal stage” symptoms is counterproductive and only increases their frustration; b) their freedom of expressing this increased frustration is also curtailed.
Therefore, the way our culture and society responds when a man or woman expresses anger, strongly influences how we experience anger because the society’s response becomes part of our ‘past experience’.
So if society and culture influence our emotions, then what influences society and culture in the first place?
You probably guessed it right! The media — a major factor that strongly shapes and reinforces this culture.
What is the role of the media?
Perceptions of gender roles are continually influenced by social factors, especially media representations of these roles, throughout one’s life for both males and females. [15] It’s as if our brains repeatedly try to explain our place in the world through these gendered perceptions of reality that it has gathered from past experiences. Such perceptions are reinforced by the media and the entertainment world.
It is no secret that continuous exposure to specific cultural messages will influence how the audience identifies with that message in the long term. [16] In India, Bollywood’s sexist portrayal of women has been in existence since decades and unfortunately, still continues. [17]
Filmmakers seem to opine that if their films have to become ‘blockbusters’ then they need to cater to the audience’s perception of an ‘ideal woman’, someone who is ‘god-fearing’, docile, and will ‘sacrifice everything for her family’. [18] Such kinds of cultural messages makes us view women as not capable of anger and if she does get angry, she is not an ‘ideal woman’ and therefore, bad.
Another kind of sexist portrayal of women in movies is their objectification, [19] which strengthens the social dominance theory, that men are more socially dominant than women. [20] When we continuously consume content that reinforces these unequal social hierarchies, our brain perceives it as acceptable for men to exert anger and power over women but not vice versa (because according to these perceptions women are not considered to be on the same social hierarchy).
This is a vicious and toxic cycle! Films are created based on gendered roles of men and women in order to appeal to the majority audience; the audience’s brain perceives this gendered portrayal also to be reality and continually strengthens this perception by consuming such films.
“We have come a long way since.” Have we, though?
This is not limited to Bollywood, of course. It’s prevalent even in South Indian films (these are the ones I can speak for as an audience).
Shortly after I had penned down the first version of this article, we were watching a Tamil comedy-drama film from the 2000’s. In one of the scenes, the female protagonist gets angry and shouts at someone. This irks the male protagonist who shows his anger by slapping her. To this, the female protagonist merely stares at him angrily and then, the story moves on to another sub-plot.
I was startled. My brain paused. “Wait, what just happened?”
I looked around to see if anyone else in the family mirrored my shock, but I was alone. Everyone continued watching the movie as if nothing had happened.
He slapped her because she got angry? To which she just stared at him angrily? Why did others not notice this? Why did I not notice this before? I have watched this movie so many times!
That’s when it hit me how normalised such responses have become towards women’s anger. How we have normalised such instances. So much so that when I expressed my shock to my family I was met with “It’s an old film. Things have changed now. Don’t take it so seriously.”
So I wrote a note to my brain instead.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I understand films back then were different and it’s not fair to apply emerging societal norms to films set in a different society.
But I am not judging the film. I am judging the audience.
To be more specific, I am bothered by how it’s perceived by the audience. I was the only one who seemed bothered by how normalised it was to slap an angry woman (or any woman for that matter). That concerned me.
And that’s when I wanted to pen down a second version of this article.
When I related this to a friend, he pointed out that some films (an obvious example being Thappad!) are trying to undo this normalisation and put an end to these gendered stereotypes. “We have come a long way since that 2000s film”, he said. I thought about that for a while and replied “We have a long way to go though. Let’s hope we will get there.”
Hope for Our Future
Criticising films for portrayal of women is obviously not the solution for changing the status quo. In fact, some may even argue that filmmakers have the freedom of expression while making films and that would be valid.
This means that the responsibility shifts onto us, the audience who consume such content.
We also wield the power of social media. Whether or not a particular stereotype is carried forward into the future depends on us and on what we choose to share with our social circles.
Now that we are aware that gendered social rules and their depiction in the media significantly affect how women experience anger, what can we do next? Here are some possible key takeaways one could consider:
- Observe — Within your house, observe and identify the differences in the way the females in the family express their anger as opposed to males. Can this difference be attributed to any of the gender roles discussed above?
- Understand and listen — Anger is experienced and expressed differently by every individual, a lot of which depends on their societal and cultural upbringing. Understand that dismissing one’s anger only heightens it even more. Instead you can perhaps ask them ‘whether’ they are actually feeling angry and if yes, ‘why’ they might be feeling so. Lend a listening ear, if you can, because sometimes, that’s all they need. [1] Depending on the context, you could also look at de-escalating the situation. [21]
- Become conscious consumers of content — In a time where our social media, entertainment and news consumption is only increasing by the day, the content we consume has a more long-lasting impact that we can imagine. Therefore, we can take tiny steps everyday to be more conscious of the content we consume.
In time, these tiny steps compound. And hopefully, that makes the difference to the next angry person you encounter, irrespective of their gender.
Author’s note: An earlier version of this article written by me was published on WeUnlearn’s website. :)
References:
[1] Susan Bernstein, “Don’t tell an upset person “calm down.” Do this instead”, April 3, 2017. <https://drsusanbernstein.com/dont-tell-an-upset-person-calm-down-%E2%80%8B-do-this-instead/>
[2] University Of California, San Francisco. “Comparison Of Anger Expression In Men And Women Reveals Surprising Differences” ScienceDaily, January 31, 2000. <www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2000/01/000131075609.htm>.
[3] Blair, R J R. “Considering anger from a cognitive neuroscience perspective.” Wiley interdisciplinary reviews. Cognitive science vol. 3,1 (2012): 65–74. <https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3260787/#>
[4] Panksepp J. Affective neuroscience: The foundations of human and animal emotions. New York: Oxford University Press; 1998.
[5] ”Prefrontal Cortex”, Science of Psychotherapy, (2018). <https://www.thescienceofpsychotherapy.com/glossary/prefrontal-cortex/>
[6] Blair, R J R. “Considering anger from a cognitive neuroscience perspective”, Wiley interdisciplinary reviews, Cognitive science vol. 3, (2012). <https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3260787/#>
[7] Barrett, L. F., “How emotions are made: The secret life of the brain”, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt (2017).
[8] Nell Greenfieldboyce, Lisa Feldman Barrett, Linda Douglas., “The Psychology And Significance Of Anger, And How We Understand It”, NHPR, August 5, 2019. <https://www.nhpr.org/post/psychology-and-significance-anger-and-how-we-understand-it#stream/0>
[9] Hannah Devlin, “Science of anger: how gener, age and personality shape this”, The Guardian , May 12, 2019.
<https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/12/science-of-anger-gender-age-personality>
[10] Allison Abrams, “The Power and Shame of Women’s Anger”, Psychology Today, February 23, 2020. <https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/nurturing-self-compassion/202002/the-power-and-shame-women-s-anger>
[11] Brescoll, Victoria L., and Eric Luis Uhlmann, “Can an angry woman get ahead? Status conferral, gender, and expression of emotion in the workplace”, Psychological science 19, no. 3 (2008). <https://gap.hks.harvard.edu/can-angry-woman-get-ahead-status-conferral-gender-and-exprssion-emotion-workplace>
[12] Nalini Ambady, “The Mind in the World: Culture and the Brain”, Observer, May 4, 2011. <https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/the-mind-in-the-world-culture-and-the-brain>
[13] Beth Azar, “Your brain on culture”, Monitor on Psychology, vol. 41, November 2010. <https://www.apa.org/monitor/2010/11/neuroscience#:~:text=The%20burgeoning%20field%20of%20cultural,development%2C%20and%20perhaps%20vice%20versa.&text=The%20study%20also%20shows%20the,beliefs%20can%20shape%20mental%20function.>
[14] Soraya L. Chemaly, “Chapter 1: Mad Girls”, Rage Becomes Her (New York: Atria Books), (2018).
[15] Bussey, K., & Bandura, A., “Social cognitive theory of gender development and differentiation”, Psychological Review, 106(4), 676–713 (1999).
[16] Eyal, K., Raz, Y., & Levi, M., “Messages about sex on Israeli television: Comparing local and foreign programming”, Journal of Broadcasting & Electronic Media, (2014).
[17] Ishan Mehandru, “Picture abhi patriarchy hai: Studying Bollywood’s sexism disease”, The Print, October 13, 2018. <https://theprint.in/opinion/picture-abhi-patriarchy-hai-studying-bollywoods-sexism-disease/133324/>
[18] Sowmya Nandkumar, “The Stereotypical Portrayal of Women in Commercial Indian Cinema”, Thesis Presentation at University of Houston, May 2011. <https://uh ir.tdl.org/bitstream/handle/10657/217/NANDAKUMAR-.pdf?sequence=2&isAllowed=y>
[19] Parnab Dhar, “When films objectify women”, The Hindu, December 22, 2019. <https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/open-page/when-films-objectify-women/article30367644.ece>
[20] Pratto, F., Sidanius, J., Stallworth, L. M., & Malle, B. F., “Social Dominance Orientation: A Personality Variable Predicting Social and Political Attitudes” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 67, 741–763 (1994).
[21] Shane Parrish, “There’s Seldom Any Traffic on the High Road”, Farnam Street Blog.<https://fs.blog/2018/11/high-road/>
